I mean, we are so desperate and all. Why would I turn him down? I almost wrote it all and sent it out last night, but I decided I need to cool off first. This was after a very rude string of back and forth emails with someone very hate filled that I turned down for a date. I decided to cool down and wait 24 hours before I blurted it all out here. I am getting so mature in my old age.
I loved these men to pieces and they loved me back. Total unconditional love and everyone should be loved as well as I have been loved. Truly amazing men who were great friends, fantastic supporters of mine and some of my best cheerleaders for all of my crazy business ideas. Men that treated me like a goddess and that always made me feel beautiful and sexy.
Just so blessed in that department so I have no complaints. And, for the most part, the online dating adventure has been exactly that. But, there have been a few interactions that have gone really really bad. I mean, like really bad. All because I am fat. Now, I am certain that this sort of thing happens to women of all sizes and shapes. Probably not just to fat women.
It is so fascinating how one moment someone is basically begging me to go on a date with them and then the next minute, after I politely turn them down, that it turns so ugly. I never even met this person. And, to think I almost did. Frightening and bone chilling. Women who spend any time online know about all of the trolls and all of the shamers.
You can be a size 2 and get plenty of hate mail and comments. When you are fat woman online, you get fun stuff like this: It suuuuucks not to have a nifty tool we can use to eliminate prospects, but the truth is that online dating like all dating is complex. Being willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of communication is important. This does NOT mean I want you to lower your standards.
PRESUME that dudes will rise to the challenge of understanding you. Trust your gut A lot of times we feel we must adopt axiomatic rules because we are afraid that someone will hurt us down the line. What we forget is that our body and brain are picking up on all kinds of signals, and we owe it to ourselves to listen to them. Rules can help protect us, but they can also limit us.
Let me tell you a story about the last dude who broke my heart. He was a self-identified feminist. He had worked in food justice for years before entering the tech industry in San Francisco. He knew about corn puns omg. I love corn puns. He had a basket of sex toys that were just for me. The last text he sent me literally said: All of his feminist, anti-racist, corn punning brilliance created a false sense of security.
DATING MEN IS HARD. Girl, I hate to tell you this. I HATE to tell you this. So allow your potential date to offset some of the misogyny. So, let them do some of the work! Allow interest to come to you. Rather than explaining yourself, have them tell you about themselves.
Do men like fat women? I created two identical online dating profiles of me size 18 and size 10 to find out
Online Dating Taught Me To Love My Fat Body, Regardless Of Whether I Got A Date
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