By Suzannah Weiss Oct 8 A friend once told me his test of whether he's over an ex is whether it would bother him if they were dating someone else. Under that logic, I've never gotten over anyone in my life. Over a year after I ended one relationship, I found some photos on Facebook of my ex with a woman I didn't recognize.
It was like we were still together and he cheated. After I last spoke to another fling I never even officially dated, I made sure to unfollow him on Facebook so I didn't have a similar experience. But that didn't stop his new profile picture, with an unknown woman next to him. Again, I didn't feel I had the right to be upset. What was going on? After doing some soul searching, I realized my reasons were different for each person. With the first ex, I still relied on him for emotional support the way I did when we were dating, and seeing him with someone else made me wonder if we could still have as close a relationship.
Plus, when I broke up with him, he said he refused to move on and planned to marry me — a promise he obviously couldn't keep, but it planted in the back of my mind the assumption that if I ever had a change of heart, he would be there. I know I'm not alone in feeling devastated over an ex moving on. A lot of my friends have confessed they've felt the same way, especially when they're forced to find out through social media. Discomfort with an ex publicly pairing up again is also acknowledged in pop culture; after Marnie breaks up with Charlie on Girls, she obsesses over the other woman she sees in his Facebook photos.
Beaton would advise people who are upset when their exes move on: The person they're dating now is not necessarily smarter, more attractive, or kinder than you. The fact that you broke up wasn't a failure on your part; things just didn't work out, and they might not work out with this new person either. Your ex moving on is not a testament to your inadequacy.
This New Person Isn't Necessarily Like You [Embed] It's the worst when your ex's new significant other is someone you don't even like. It can make you start to question yourself: Of course, if he cheated on you with another woman and started dating her right after you broke up, it might be more serious than a rebound. Other than that situation, the easy rule of thumb is that the longer he waited, the less likely it is to be a rebound relationship.
Take it in conjunction with the next signs to find out the truth. Rebound Relationship Sign 2: How Long Has His New Relationship Lasted? This is a sign you can use to narrow down the probability that your ex is in a rebound relationship very quickly. Rebound Relationship Sign 3: Who Did He Go For? The answer lies in a common human behavior: You know how when someone is secretly insecure, they act over the top arrogant on the outside to cover it up?
Your ex is overcompensating for the pain of your breakup by deciding to date the exact opposite of you. Just like other forms of overcompensation, this eventually comes around to sabotage him, and he winds up unhappier than he was before. Rebound Relationship Sign 4: How Fast Is His New Relationship Moving? This is a huge sign to look for — it gives you a ton of information about whether your ex is in a rebound relationship or not.
This might seem backwards at first. Counter-intuitively, it actually means the opposite. The point of a rebound relationship is to get over the pain of your last failed relationship, and to try to replace the comfort, intimacy, and happiness that you lost when your last relationship fell apart. However, when a relationship ends, all of a sudden that source of intimacy, happiness, and contentment disappears from your life.
This leaves a yawning black hole in the center of your emotional well-being.
Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs
Weird things we ALL do when an ex starts dating someone new
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