Dating Someone Less Intelligent Than You


Involvement in extramarital relationships can sometimes serve as a way of compensating for such inequity. The under compensated may perceive extramarital relationships as something they deserve because their spouse gets more from the marriage than they do, and in this sense they compromise. The over-compensated tend to be involved in extramarital relationships in order a to escape the unpleasant state of inequity, and b to prove to themselves and to their partner that they actually are deserving and attractive to the opposite sex , and in this sense their partners are not compromising by being with them.

Consider the following true story of a young married woman. We only made it three years, but I resented him because I felt that being married to someone who was so much less than me was holding me back. We got married when I was 19 and I married him knowing that I didn't love him. Later on, I was discussing my ex-husband with my current husband and he asked me why I ever even told my ex that I loved him. All I could say was, he said it first and it seemed like the nice thing to say.

I have gotten much better at expressing my proper emotions now. As Miriam, a single woman, said: In the last case, it was about a month before the wedding date and after the invitations had already been sent. In all these relationships, I felt that my partner was inferior to me. Now, I am merely looking for the 9s. Romantic compromises are mainly about giving up pursuing more alluring options.

In focusing upon those who are equal to you, you know that you will get the best FOR YOU. There are of course other people "who are objectively better" and whom you may adore more. However, these people will probably not love you the way your equal will do; accordingly, they are likely to be less satisfying romantic partners for you. Yearning for them is futile and destructive. But note that I said hobbies.

It probably won't work out if you view his lack of interest in reading books, etc. You'd have to view it as a different and equally valid choice. If you can't, after the honeymoon glow of the newness of the relationship fades, disrespectful judgments start to flow. That's not fair to either of you. And lack of respect for your partner is a death knell in relationships.

So really ask yourself, am I more intelligent? Or is he equally smart with different life experiences and passions? Your answers to those questions will tell you how important this compatibility is to you. And if you do decide that you do feel an imbalance, be kind and break up with him now and find a better fit for you. Honestly being friends and liking and respecting each other is the important part.

As long as he understands that intellectual stimulation is something you need and won't resent you spending time perusing those interests, and you don't resent him I can't see at all why it won't work. You will continue to ask for the same reason. Can you live with that? It sounds like you're second-guessing yourself, a little. Look, here's a story: I used to work at a call center. Sometimes people would call up - say, from Russia - and they'd apologize for their terrible English.

And I'd always tell them, "Listen, your English is better than my Russian. What I mean is that there are different kinds of smart. I may not necessarily be great at math, but for example I was watching a bunch of old sci-fi trailers with friends once and spotted a sign for Hobbs End and knew we were watching the trailer for Quatermass and the Pit I was right. I then started rattling off a bunch of interesting stuff about the movie and its history even though I'd never actually seen it - this was just stuff I knew.

A friend of mine said something like, "It's crazy that this kind of knowledge isn't seen as being as legitimate as equally extensive knowledge about Shakespeare or whatever. You put up with it for 10 hours a day. You put up with them for the rest of the time. I know, I know. But I spent the first 35 years of my life chasing women who were just like me — the smartest women in the room. And I put up with the same things that you have to deal with from men — selfishness, difficulty, self-righteousness and so on.

And you know what? He just has to respect you. And you have to respect him. Have you ever been with a brilliant guy who is, at heart, a miserable person?


Why Being Attracted to Smarter Men Is the Biggest Reason You’re Single

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