Timing is key There is a distinct order of events within traditional Indian families - sisters must be married first, eldest to youngest; then brothers, eldest to youngest providing they are all of a marriageable age. A marriageable age for an Indian guy is different than an Indian girl. Most Indian girls can get married at any time - the younger, the better, it is thought traditionally.
Indian guys are of a marriageable age once they have finished their education and have a steady job. Even if the wife intends to continue working, it is widely thought that the Indian guy must "stand on his own two feet" and be able to financially support his wife. So, before being deemed "marriageable", he'd have to at least be working for a year or so.
If your Indian boyfriend is still in school, still financially relying on his family - then it's nearly impossible to tell the parents at that time. The waiting game during this time is hard - but you have no choice. There's a distinct order No "love talk" It is taboo in many traditional Indian families to speak of love, lust, dating, or members of the opposite sex in front of your parents. Traditional Indian elders are very taboo about dating, sexuality, and public displays of affection - especially before marriage.
Not openly discussing one's feelings means there is so much that is kept hidden, and secret. Secrets are commonplace Unless something is absolutely certain to happen, people will usually keep it a secret. In Western culture, secrets are seen as being something to be embarrassed of. In traditional Indian culture, it's a norm, because there is so much that cannot be expressed openly.
If your Indian boyfriend is keeping you a secret until he finishes his studies, do not feel embarrassed. It may be that he is protecting both you, and him from harassment for the time being. I know from experience - "girlfriend" status as a foreigner - can be treated by some as no better than dirt on the road! Plant the seed first The best way to tell Indian parents is to first tell that you have "a foreign friend".
That way the parents are alerted of your existence and have their radar up. Not only that, but it gives traditional parents time to get used to your existence in their child's life. To be kept absolutely secret is not a good thing. Give the parents time to get used to the idea. Indian parents know much more than they let on! DO NOT just dump it on them The worst thing you can do is say "I have a girlfriend" and leave it at that. Absolute hell will break out. Watch out for all the emotional blackmail coming your way "You're the reason why I have high blood pressure" etc.
Once you're financially secure, tell them you "intend to marry" your foreign partner. But when your parents still view you as a year-old, you might as well use this to your advantage. Some great options include: One of my favourite group date memories not my own date, I was just a 5th wheel that was invited was playing laser tag. Always have someone to cover your back Growing up with such strict rules can be very isolating.
You may feel like you have no life and you may resent your parents a little bit for it. I sure did which is probably why I was goth in high school for 3 months. Thankfully, I had some kick-ass girlfriends who always had my back when I was trying to live a little. Of course, my parents knew I was up to something parents always know! Date from the comfort of your home This seems like an odd thing to do, but it's actually a lot more common than you think.
With the advancement of technology, you can do more than just call or text someone you have a crush on A friend of mine who is very shy, would often game share with her now boyfriend and play games with him to build the confidence to talk to him in person. Also great for all the people out there with overprotective parents. Get to know someone on an intimate level without even having to leave your house. Open the conversation with your parents.
What It's Like to Date with Strict Indian Parents
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