Their denial, shame, and lack of responsibility cause them to play the victim and blame others. You or their boss become the controlling, demanding one. Their obstructionism is a pseudo attempt at independence. An autonomous person has healthy self-esteem, is assertive, and can take a stand and keep commitments. Not so for someone passive-aggressive. Their behavior is designed to avoid responsibility for themselves and family, and sometimes they depend unfairly on their partner for support.
Withholding communication is another form of expressing anger and asserting power passively. This undermines intimacy as a way to fight against their dependency. Look for a pervasive pattern of several of the above symptom, and monitor your feelings. You may feel angry, confused, or powerless when trying to get cooperation. When you nag, scold, or get angry, you escalate conflict and give your partner more excuses and ammunition to deny responsibility.
Not only that, you step into the role of parent — the very one your partner is rebelling against. Neither be passive, nor aggressive. It would be similar to nagging your child, but allowing the youngster not to do his or her chores. This takes practice and requires being assertive. Be prepared to set boundaries with consequences.
That was a superb read. I notice that no one guy said his wife was PA. The signs you describe are like you are talking about her. Is there a way to prove a persons passive agggression to the courts? She lies to the courts and has had my visitation reduced and restricted… if i could shine a light on her PA in front of the courts i think shell back off…. Speak to your lawyer and request she get a psych evaluation. I am dealing with a brother who is pa. I am the trustee of her estate and he is holding things up and behaving exactly as you describe.
I have given him until the end of the month, but doubt he will move out without legal intervention. He is 55 and lived with her for the last 10 years or so. She really wanted him to move on, but could never get him to do so. Can you help me with my dilemma? Short of court action, consider establishing some boundaries with consequences such as attending conjoint counseling. It sounds as if he is having trouble letting go of your mother, and might benefit from some grief counseling.
If setting boundaries is difficult with him, exercises in my ebook How to Speak Your Mind — Become Assertive and Set Limits and the companion webinar, How to Be Assertive. I am so confused. My wife is passive agressive but such a good person. I really do not believe she has any craving for me ,but thats to be expected after over 3o yrs of marriage and constantly being unable to enjoy a physical relationship unless everything in her world is perfect.
She really never wanted to work and could never fight for herself. I was so young when we met and got married. Learning to be assertive and the language of intimacy can revitalize a marriage. Without it, marriages grow stale and routine. I have recently been in an eight month relationship. What better way to punish than withhold something he knows you want? He will do anything to keep from arguing with you. He's been taught that anger is unacceptable. Well, expressing anger in an open, honest way is unacceptable and not something you will get from this guy.
He won't show for a dinner date, but finds it unreasonable that you're upset. You waiting on him makes him angry, too. He gets to punish and blame you. My ex used to forget he needed something from me until the last minute. If there was a social event related to his work, I would get notice the day before. I spent a lot of time running around trying to prepare from something in a few hours that would normally take days. He's in a constant battle with himself to pursue and then distance himself.
He fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He's sweet, kind and loving. He keeps you hanging by doing things for you that he doesn't want, never arguing, and being such a nice guy. The passive-aggressive man is very good at appearing to be calm , cool and collected while you're going off the deep end.
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