Seeing this person's name on your screen makes your heart leap. That's a good sign. You can disagree without fighting. A functional relationship doesn't mean you always agree. How boring would it be if you felt the exact same way about every subject? If you can discuss your differences without blowing up, then the relationship has a shot at going the distance. You're planning future activities for the two of you. I'm not talking about planning to get your favorite food cart tacos the next time you have a craving.
I'm talking about activities, day trips, hometown visits — anything that's an upgrade on the typical date. Thinking about the future means you're ready for something more. You told them something only your closest friends know. Becoming an official couple begins with this phrase: It could be something as serious as a deep dark secret, or something as frivolous as your recurring dream about living in a house made of cheese.
You've dropped their name at work. When you start talking about the person to your coworkers, you're thinking about something more than just a casual fling. Having them meet your parents doesn't seem far-fetched. You're finding their quirks cute. Shake it up to get a different result. Sometimes when you want something badly, you might get too eager or emotional and put the pressure on. This can scare someone who is nervous about commitment. Be straight-up, and if you detect the other person getting nervous or withdrawing, back off and reassess your approach.
Think of the commitment-phobic guy as a wild animal. Enact your strategy gently, sweetly, with reassurances and support. Propose this casually, not with pressure. If you always stay home, suggest getting dressed up and going out. If you always go out, suggest staying home and cooking together. Point out cool apartments or areas of town to live in. My recommendation is to have this talk either at your place or someplace neutral — like a restaurant, on the beach etc… Talking about this at his place his cave and domain can be a little disempowering — better to stay on your own turf.
And, most importantly… Step 5: Be Unattached to the Outcome Your goal is to stay anchored in the energy of openness and allowing him to make the best decision for himself. Do NOT present this as an ultimatum or with a crowbar behind your back, coercing him into what you want. Stay neutral and treat him just like you would a friend.
He may not give you an answer right away — especially if marriage is your goal.
How to Coax Your Relationship to the Next Level
13 Signs You're Ready To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level
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